‘She’s my world and my heart’ – an adoption journey

“At our first meeting she just looked at me and my husband with such intensity and then broke out in a smile and that was it… we all looked at each other and said ‘yes this is our family’,” recalls Rachel beaming.

We’re sitting in her lounge surrounded by books and toys while two-year-old Winnie plays happily with a social worker in the next room.

Rachel, who is 41, and her husband Lewis, who is a year older, got married in 2019 and, like many couples, hoped to start a family.

But when they encountered fertility issues, instead of opting for in vitro fertilisation (IVF), the pair decided to consider adoption.

“It’s always been on my radar. My mum used to be a foster and adoption social worker,” Rachel explains.

“We just thought there are children out there who need a loving, stable family so that’s what we could provide for them so why not go down that route.”

The number of adopters in Oxfordshire, Berkshire and Swindon has fallen by 28% over the last three years.

The shortage means some children, including those with additional needs, with siblings and those from black and minority ethnic backgrounds, are waiting longer to be adopted.

Adopt Thames Valley hopes more people will consider giving a child a loving home.

Rachel says the adoption process required about four months of background checks before they were allocated a social worker who met with them once a week for several months to talk about a range of things, from upbringing and family history, to parenting styles.

Rachel has dual heritage – her mum is from West Africa and her dad is white British – and her husband, Lewis, is white.

“We were very keen to adopt a child from black or mixed-heritage background to match our identities, but also we know from all the reading and research that these children wait longer in the system so we were really keen to embrace that,” she says.

Healthcare worker Rachel and Lewis, who works in insurance, were initially sent details of children in foster care by their social worker to see if they wanted to proceed.

But another way of being matched with a child is through a website called Link Maker, which displays profiles of children looking for adoption across the UK.

That is how they found Winnie.

“I think she was the first child I looked at and I had an instant connection with her profile.

“There wasn’t much to it just a little line that said ‘she’s a fighter’ and it just got me,” Rachel says.

She says the process of adopting Winnie went smoothly and she had lots of support from social workers and Winnie’s foster family.

It took about 18 months from signing up to be adopters to bringing Winnie home in July last year.

She describes her daughter, who turns three in December, as “a ball of energy” who loves singing, dancing and gymnastics.

She says: “It’s been exciting, scary, frustrating at times but I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s my world and my heart.”

The cost of living crisis may be part of the reason for the fall in the number of adopters nationally.

Teresa Rogers, head of adoption services at Oxfordshire County Council, says she is seeing the impact of that because it is taking longer to place some children.

And across the county border in Berkshire, Archie is one of 30 children waiting to be adopted.

He turns three in January and was placed with his foster carers Nancy and Martin when he was two months old.

Nancy says he is a typical little boy who loves running and climbing and describes him as bright and determined.

Archie has a developmental delay which means he takes a bit longer to reach mile stones like walking and talking.

Nancy says she would love to see Archie settled in his forever home with “somebody who’s got time and patience because everything takes that little bit longer to learn and do”.

She adds: “He’s a pleasure to have. He’s very happy, very content, very loving.”

Oxfordshire County Council and its regional adoption agency, Adopt Thames Valley, try to find homes for around 50-60 children a year, including babies and older children.

Ms Rogers says the aim is to place children within six months but admits it can take up to a year and a half.

She tells me that anyone from any background can enquire about adoption and that specialist training is available.

“Adopted children, like all children, require a loving family and a family in which they can grow, develop and flourish.

“But they also have a different experience before they’ve been adopted… they’ve got different life experiences and it takes them time to form attachments to a new family so they need careful parenting.

“They need a lot of patience and time to settle into a new family and develop those new relationships,” she adds.